I DON’T DESERVE THIS

Yesterday was my 27th birthday, and I kept getting congratulated on everything that has happened recently. So much has changed in my life since my last blog post. I’ve been married for a month now and my husband and I are expecting a baby before the end of the year. People keep saying, “You’re having such an eventful year! Lucky you!” If I’m being honest, I don’t feel so lucky. So may unpleasant, unexpected things have occurred in my life that have made it hard for me to believe in the good things that happen. I have a husband. I have a precious baby on the way, and for the past month all I could think is that I don’t deserve this.

On one hand, I really don’t deserve it. I didn’t earn the right to have a happy life no more than anyone else has. God’s grace is they only reason I’m blessed. On the other hand, I do deserve it. I have just as much of a right as anyone else to pursue my dreams and goals in life and watch them come true.

So why do I feel this way?

327bw
D Lacy Photography
GUILT

I feel a little guilty that I’m finally living out my desire to have a family. I’ve been an encourager to those who desire these things and don’t have them yet. Now that I have this, I want everyone else to have it too. I also want to share my joy, but I don’t want to seem like I’m bragging or boasting about it.

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. –Ephesians 2:8-9 ESV

SHAME

Although no one has brought this up to me personally, I conceived my baby before my marriage. As a Christian, I admit I feel ashamed. Although I know God forgives me, and I’m overwhelmingly grateful for this gift, I just don’t want to taint his message because I, a messenger, am tainted.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. –1 John 1:9 ESV

UNWORTHINESS

It’s still kind of hard to believe that after all I’ve been through in my life, I’m finally starting to get everything I prayed for. I’m so far from perfect, and it’s hard for me to accept God’s favor sometimes.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. –Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

I know this is a lot of personal feelings for one post, but one thing I have learned as a blogger is that I am not alone in my transparency. I know someone who is reading this feels or has felt this way at one time. So, here comes the encouragement:

YOU DESERVE THIS. Even if you’ve never experienced it like this before, even if you have made bad decisions in your past, even if you know someone who seemingly deserves it more, even if no one else is happy for you. Reject those feelings of guilt, shame and unworthiness. You are blessed. YOU DESERVE THIS. Receive it, own it and be grateful for it. Life is full of so much hardship, that it would be a shame if we didn’t take advantage of the moments when awesome things happen. I’m going to enjoy this season of my life and share my joy with everyone I can.

We prayed for this. God answered. Let’s thank him by celebrating. 🙂

Give thanks to the Lord, call upon his name, make known his deeds among the peoples, proclaim that his name is exalted. Sing praises to the Lord, for he has done gloriously; let this be made known in all the earth.-Isaiah 12:4-5

Advertisements

15 thoughts on “I DON’T DESERVE THIS

  1. Bianca says:

    The way you express yourself is so inspirational! Thank U! As a fellow Christian many don’t like to admit their mistakes or downfalls for fear of judgment. You have taken your experiences and been able to gracefully continue to push through. I appreciate your posts!

  2. Mylah says:

    I absolutely love your post. Congratulations!! I’m so excited about the many blessings God is choosing to bestow upon you and your hubby right now.

  3. Kiara says:

    Congratulations on everything Jamie! You are absolutely right, YOU DO DESERVE THIS, all of it! And I agree with you that others do too, especially if we’ve gone through seasons upon seasons of misfortune and heartache. I appreciate your transparency and desire to share your joy with everyone! I genuinely love seeing love, so once again, congratulations on it all!

  4. Brenda says:

    That’s the most open & honest post I’ve seen in a while. It was also the sweetest! Loved every word. I’m so happy for you & Kyle. Praise God🙏🏽🙏🏽

  5. Darlene Leseberg says:

    Jamie & Kyle,
    You Do Deserve This! I believe it has been in God’s plans for you! You & your new family are a shining star, with God’s Blessing! You have always held your head high, through all the trials that the Lord has put you through!
    God, & I, Bless You & Your Beautiful Family With A Life Of Forever Love & Faith Always!!!!! With All My Heart I Wish You & Kyle, & Family The Very Best In All That You Do, My Your Love Forever Be Strong & True!!! Love You, Aunt Darlene XOXO

  6. retrostank says:

    Our stories are so similar, only in mine, I was five months pregnant when I got engaged, eight months pregnant when we got married legally, and my son was three months old at our Winter Wonderland-esque Christmas Eve wedding. You are not alone at all! Girl!!! God is so good that He will use anything, despite sin, even to work something together for our good. My husband and I were the most self-pleasing, self-ish people not thinking about a family at all. We were both so stubborn had it been in our hands, we would probably still been in fornication. But Glory to God for His plan! We have been married for three years in September, we pray together, we both serve in our church, and we have a son AND a daughter now. You will be victorious even more than you are now. All the verses you used are like “BAM! POW! HOORAY!” Let me give you one that you are exercising by being so transparent in this WordPress article:
    Luke 22:31-32
    King James Version (KJV)

    31 And the Lord said, Simon, Simon, behold, Satan hath desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat:

    32 But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not: and when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren.

    That is what you are doing here, my dear sister. Read your Bible EVERY SINGLE DAY. Pray without ceasing. Confess your faults. Ask with faith. Open your ears to wisdom. And keep evangelizing! You are a beautiful daughter of the King! Love you Sister. -Lauren Fitzgerald

    P.s. the Holy Spirit led me to you. I just woke up got on my Bible app. Saw you as a recommended friend. Clicked on you. Found myself here. Read this and am almost in tears to see someone brave and rooted. May God bless you like He did Jabez, 1 Chronicles 4:9-10 Now Jabez was more honorable than his brothers, and his mother called his name Jabez saying, “Because I bore him in pain.” And Jabez CALLED ON THE GOD OF ISREAL saying, “Oh that You would bless me INDEED( in Hebrew that word is like adding 5 exclaimation points), and enlarge my territory, that your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from EVIL, that I may not CAUSE PAIN!” So God granted him what he requested.

    If possible, Jamie, find the book the Jabez prayer by Bruce Wilkinson. God wants to bless you and give you more territory to do His work. Hebrews 11:6 Without faith, it is impossible to please Him, for He that cometh to God, must believe that He IS and that He is a resserre of they that dilgently seek Him.

    I am apart of a Young Adult Ladies Prayer Call, every Thursday @ 7:30 pm CST 8:30 pm EST 712-775-7031 access code 613748 if you ever get the notion or need prayer, please call. Keep up the good work for our Father! May God bless and protect your household in the name and blood of Jesus Christ of Nazareth! Love you, Sister.

  7. Jamie Rachelle says:

    Lauren,

    Your comment was right ON TIME! Thank you for the reassurance and encouragement. I’m in a tough season right now and I have no doubt God led you right here to restore the fire in my spirit. God bless you!
    I’m going to order that book, and I look forward to joining your prayer call! 🙂

    THANK YOU SO MUCH!

    -Jamie

  8. Quaninika says:

    Congratulations on it all!!! My son was your “Jr. Mr. UAPB”, during your reign, and you seemed to have such a beautiful personality. It’s wonderful to know that a Godly spirit was at the core!!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s