I DON’T DESERVE THIS

Yesterday was my 27th birthday, and I kept getting congratulated on everything that has happened recently. So much has changed in my life since my last blog post. I’ve been married for a month now and my husband and I are expecting a baby before the end of the year. People keep saying, “You’re having such an eventful year! Lucky you!” If I’m being honest, I don’t feel so lucky. So may unpleasant, unexpected things have occurred in my life that have made it hard for me to believe in the good things that happen. I have a husband. I have a precious baby on the way, and for the past month all I could think is that I don’t deserve this.

On one hand, I really don’t deserve it. I didn’t earn the right to have a happy life no more than anyone else has. God’s grace is they only reason I’m blessed. On the other hand, I do deserve it. I have just as much of a right as anyone else to pursue my dreams and goals in life and watch them come true.

So why do I feel this way?

327bw
D Lacy Photography
GUILT

I feel a little guilty that I’m finally living out my desire to have a family. I’ve been an encourager to those who desire these things and don’t have them yet. Now that I have this, I want everyone else to have it too. I also want to share my joy, but I don’t want to seem like I’m bragging or boasting about it.

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. –Ephesians 2:8-9 ESV

SHAME

Although no one has brought this up to me personally, I conceived my baby before my marriage. As a Christian, I admit I feel ashamed. Although I know God forgives me, and I’m overwhelmingly grateful for this gift, I just don’t want to taint his message because I, a messenger, am tainted.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. –1 John 1:9 ESV

UNWORTHINESS

It’s still kind of hard to believe that after all I’ve been through in my life, I’m finally starting to get everything I prayed for. I’m so far from perfect, and it’s hard for me to accept God’s favor sometimes.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. –Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

I know this is a lot of personal feelings for one post, but one thing I have learned as a blogger is that I am not alone in my transparency. I know someone who is reading this feels or has felt this way at one time. So, here comes the encouragement:

YOU DESERVE THIS. Even if you’ve never experienced it like this before, even if you have made bad decisions in your past, even if you know someone who seemingly deserves it more, even if no one else is happy for you. Reject those feelings of guilt, shame and unworthiness. You are blessed. YOU DESERVE THIS. Receive it, own it and be grateful for it. Life is full of so much hardship, that it would be a shame if we didn’t take advantage of the moments when awesome things happen. I’m going to enjoy this season of my life and share my joy with everyone I can.

We prayed for this. God answered. Let’s thank him by celebrating. 🙂

Give thanks to the Lord, call upon his name, make known his deeds among the peoples, proclaim that his name is exalted. Sing praises to the Lord, for he has done gloriously; let this be made known in all the earth.-Isaiah 12:4-5

Advertisements

12 thoughts on “I DON’T DESERVE THIS

  1. Bianca says:

    The way you express yourself is so inspirational! Thank U! As a fellow Christian many don’t like to admit their mistakes or downfalls for fear of judgment. You have taken your experiences and been able to gracefully continue to push through. I appreciate your posts!

  2. Mylah says:

    I absolutely love your post. Congratulations!! I’m so excited about the many blessings God is choosing to bestow upon you and your hubby right now.

  3. Kiara says:

    Congratulations on everything Jamie! You are absolutely right, YOU DO DESERVE THIS, all of it! And I agree with you that others do too, especially if we’ve gone through seasons upon seasons of misfortune and heartache. I appreciate your transparency and desire to share your joy with everyone! I genuinely love seeing love, so once again, congratulations on it all!

  4. Brenda says:

    That’s the most open & honest post I’ve seen in a while. It was also the sweetest! Loved every word. I’m so happy for you & Kyle. Praise God🙏🏽🙏🏽

  5. Darlene Leseberg says:

    Jamie & Kyle,
    You Do Deserve This! I believe it has been in God’s plans for you! You & your new family are a shining star, with God’s Blessing! You have always held your head high, through all the trials that the Lord has put you through!
    God, & I, Bless You & Your Beautiful Family With A Life Of Forever Love & Faith Always!!!!! With All My Heart I Wish You & Kyle, & Family The Very Best In All That You Do, My Your Love Forever Be Strong & True!!! Love You, Aunt Darlene XOXO

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s